So, here’s the thing

I’m finally figuring out what I want to do with myself, with my future, I’ve made a path I hope to follow for the next few years, and I suppose I shall see what happens from there. I’ve never been happier. However, I’ve noticed recently something is missing from this path, something that plays a major role in my life, or at least will do at some point. 

Over the past 18 months, I’ve made many discoveries with myself, who I am, who I want to be, and what makes me happiest. I’ve travelled, explored, disappeared from everything, to give myself the space I need to figure myself out. Time is helpful, but never good enough. I know I am on my way to discovery, and actually I feel pretty close to the end of the rainbow, but I still feel this kind of emptiness right inside of me. Within this time; I’ve fallen in love, and yes I mean love, not some childhood sweetheart, but I fell for a girl like I didn’t know was ever possible, I’ve been heartbroken, yes by the same girl, over and over in fact, I’ve tried new things, I’ve been with girls and boys, boys and girls, all with the idea that by the end of it, I’d know what I want, what makes me happy. 

So, here’s the thing, I don’t know what my future holds, merely because of my current situation with family, but also because I don’t know how things might change as I grow, but I do know what makes me happiest now. In actual fact, I want to be with a girl, how do I know this? Because it’s in my heart, I can feel it, my past relationships have taught me happiness and what it feels like, and I know that I am happier with a girl, that’s just the way it is. My family will all have it coming for them, because sooner or later I am going to tell them. But however they decide to react, I know that everything is going to be ok, because I have my bestfriend, my sister, and I’m doing it for myself, im making myself happy, that’s the thing, I’m going to make myself happy.

Sprinkle glitter on the bland x

Don’t let other’s negativity destroy your own path to where you want to be.

I’ve noticed recently, everybody always seems to have their own opinion on everything, even if its absolutely nothing to do with them, they still choose to share their opinion and ruin every little thing you have. It’s not fair. If I want to do something, meet somebody, be somewhere, everybody has to know about it, judge me for it, and decide against it just for their own happiness. Well what about mine!

All I truly would like is a private, non-judged life, away from all negativity shining off others, away from people who have to tell me what they think i should do, because you know what, I’m so fed up of hearing whats ‘right from wrong’, or what i should do according to the minds of nobody who I actually care so much to listen to.

No, I am to make my own decisions, make up my own mind to lead myself to happiness. I should not have to listen to others telling me absolute bollocks, if they’re my friends, they will support me, help me, and guide me my own way, not along with theirs.

Let’s put this into context. Fact of the day for you all, I’m bisexual, and proud. I recently met up with a guy, and we had a lot in common, he was mature, kind, funny, everything lovely, but I just wasn’t attracted to him at all. So it got me thinking, is that because he just wasn’t my type of boy, or because I’m more attracted to girls? I’m genuinely OK not knowing the answer to this, because you know what, life is all about discovery, the journey to finding yourself in all it’s glory, and right now, I’m heading down the right path. A girl messaged me the other day, a girl I have spoken to before but things didn’t go our way because of others influencing the way we thought. However this time, it’s not going to happen. Why should the past affect the future, why should I let what my ‘friends’ tell me push me away from something I might actually want, unknowingly.

I’m going to do whatever the hell I want to do, for my own happiness for once. I’ve been through enough pain and heartbreak in my life to then let others get in the way of mending myself. If I want to talk to this girl, meet her, date her, who the heck should care other than us! A private life = a happy life.

P.s … I’m not out to my family yet. The majority of my friends do know, as it’s been a year since my first girlfriend, the first person I fell in love with. However its been a very tricky journey amongst my family. They choose to believe a year ago was just a phase in my life, an experience, but they’re wrong, and I haven’t quite come to terms with how to tell them this. On the bright side, I told my sister, I was so incredibly nervous of telling her this, as it’s a whole part of my life I’m letting her into, but I’m so glad I made the decision to finally tell her because she was so prodigious with the situation and supports me all the way ❤ .

If anyone else has or is experiencing a similar story, I’d love to know how you’re dealing with it. We’re not alone.

Sprinkle glitter on the bland x

 

Cold friends are old friends.

Betrayal, something I appear to know too much about, considering I’ve experienced the matter a billion times by fake humans, fake friends. No, friends should be loyal, am I right? Sadly I must admit I’ve only ever had 1 loyal creature in my very existence, my best friend, however it’s not all bad; because I’ve got the bloody most bewildering chum of human kind. 

I’ve had the chance to contemplate much of my time recently, since having more than a number of arguments with more than a number of my alleged ‘friends’, and tonight having a rather useful conversation with my sister, apologies truly mean nothing if used for the same reasoning over and over. I’ve been betrayed, forgotten, pushed away… but I’m done. I’m over the people who feel like that is ok, to hurt, judge, embarrass, or loose a friend, for what, to prove a point? That’s just hideous.

I would most definitely class myself as a forgiving person, as seen with experience, but I refuse to be a push over, I need to stick up for myself, keep my standards high, and my head held higher. I may still be young, but I know my right from wrong, and I certainly know what I deserve. I’ve made a pact, that I’m to drop those who’ve dropped me, forget the past, ignore others judgements and disagreements, and to do this for myself, go my own way, make my own bridges to fall from, and be true to who I am, whoever that may be.

I’m not perfect, I am far from perfect, but I don’t want to be, mistakes are to be made for a reason, to improve upon, and to learn from, but I’m not here to make the same mistakes again.

Sprinkle glitter on the bland x

You will never have this day again, so make it count.

Hello my loves, I hope life is treating you well. Here’s to my first blog post! 

So I’m quite the believer of making every minute count, not to waste any time on making decisions I’ll soon regret, but to follow my heart and open it to those around me. 

Im 17 years old, so still only ‘young’ from many aspects, however I have experienced what I could say many adults have only in their life time. Love, loss, pain, heartbreak, regret, sound familiar? I  may be young, but honestly I seem to have accomplished the lot. Here I am talking about the past, but really, the past isn’t what matters to me any more. Wholeheartedly I tell you I will only let my mind attend to the present and the future. Why should I let the past get in the way of my high-spirits and wellbeing. 

You will never have this day again, so make it count. Don’t live in the past, full of regrets and many substandard faded memories, appreciate what you have, and embrace it. Welcome the love.

Live freely from your past, and start fresh, that’s what the New Years for am I right? 

Sprinkle glitter on the bland x